i don't know where to start.
but hey D,
it's been a long time since i last wrote here.
i don't know if i can say that i'm doing great; i still have my good days and bad days, haha. but i'm still working on myself.
you've probably forgotten all about me, and you have a thousand excuses to hate me. my bad.
i'm still kind of lost since i lost you. i'm still waiting for a "hey, do you want to go for a coffee?" but i know that's never going to happen. sometimes i remember you didn't say anything for my birthday, and it's like, "come on, you didn't get it?" but it's fine; i stopped trying to find ways to hate you when the truth is that i still love you.
after thousands of meltdowns, i started working again (my founder dreams are still there, haha). i'd like to tell you about all the sacrifices i've been making these last few months and what i've accomplished.
sometimes when i think about how much of an idiot i was before, pursuing a dream cost me everything. sometimes i ask myself, "why didn't i do this before?" or "why didn't i see things this way?" i think i messed everything up. but also, we're both hurting.
i don't know what to do sometimes. a month ago, i was wishing i could hear your advice or opinion when i needed to make a huge decision.
i still think about you daily. i still wonder if you're okay, eating, dreaming... i don't know. i still think about what you might be doing. i was always so in love with you. you are and were the love of my life. i truly believe that.
sometimes i put myself in your place, and i know how difficult it was to love me.
i hope you're doing well.
with love, f
published on 08/05/2025